Wednesday January 9, 2019

Isaiah 41:10 do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

This scripture gives me so much comfort, especially when I start to feel anxious or uneasy about the journey we are on right now. I fall back to this passage often when I begin to question what we have done and what we are doing, and it is then that I feel God’s arms wrap around me and I feel safe. Even in the beginning of this journey God has strengthened both Jeff and me at different times. He continually shows me that He will strengthen and help me through the difficult times and the times that I feel unsure. Time and time again He has carried us and paved the way for us, even changing the plans we made, to complete the work that He has for us.

Still our biggest struggle is homeschooling. It is not that I don’t like teaching my children, it is that they are not wanting me (or Jeff) to teach them and, to be honest, I don’t think they want to work. They are having difficulty remembering that this year is not a vacation or holiday from school, but rather school is incorporated into our service. We assign them work to do for the day and when they complete it they are done, but they take no ownership of their work and then complain when they don’t finish it because they were messing around all day. We usually end up with one who does a great job working and accomplishing their assignments for the day, but there is usually one who wants to throw a wrench into the situation and we then have tantrums all day.

Jeff commented today that he is beginning to question whether he can continue to do this for another 6 months, not the service or the traveling, but the teaching. I really think this is our biggest challenge and it made me wonder if this is one of those moments where God’s blessings are in disguise. Maybe this is what our family needs and His divine plan will bring our family closer together. In my opinion our kids need to learn a bit more obedience and respect for Jeff and me, so maybe this is how God plans to achieve this.

As I am typing this up, I am remembering an old song by Garth Brook (yes, a country song!) called Unanswered Prayers in which he sings:

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers; remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs; that just because He doesn’t answer doesnt’ mean He don’t care; some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

I love this song because it is a reminder that I may pray for something, but that just because I don’t get what I want I need to have faith that He will give me what I need.

While I may not know why things are so difficult, stressful, and frustrating, He knows and His divine plan is way better than any of mine. I guess this is one of those things that I need to hand over to God so He can help guide and direct me through this. He can help my children see that being obedient and respectful will actually benefit everyone and allow them more freedom and independence from us. Anjali is constantly fighting with us for more autonomy, but she is failing to show us the obedience and discipline to warrant it. I keep telling her ‘if you don’t listen to me when you are right in front of me, how can I trust that you will be obedient when you are on your own’.

Starting today I will make this a daily prayer and will hand this over to God and be happy and content in His way. I know that He will be there for me and will provide for my family, just as He always has.

A total side note, here is a picture that Jeff took of the bloom of fire that was the result of massive amounts of garbage being tossed into the pit to burn. This is a taste of what the air quality is like here.

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